Bougainvillea University

Set in the lovely countryside of North Dakota, Bougainvillea University offers an excellent education along with small-town charm! It is also school of choice of the authors of The Ficus.

The university has a long and varied history, a great deal of which has been actively supressed by the administration. It currently offers as majors in Art, Psychology, Economics, English (with concentration in Creative Writing possible), Physics, History, African Studies, Ancient Central American Languages, Cryptology, Computer Science, and Theater.

Campus Map:


1. Hackenforth “Lake”

2. Gerald Cruthird II Memorial Library

3. Tiny Bear Memorial Administration Building

4. Edgar Spoon Hall

5. The Grubb Gardens

6. Grubb Gymnasium

7. Pool

8. Sports Stuff

9. Fern Memorial Union ("in memory of the woman who gave the funds, and the many ferns that were bulldozed with her money to make this possible")

10. The Swimmy-Lou Memorial Art Center

11. Classrooms:

a. Ottis Filingane Jr

b. Floyd A. Nauman Jr.

c. Francis Gilhooley Hall -- the math and science building

12. Dorms:

a. Gasper Russel-Rutt Hall -- the “Gasper”

b. Diaczynsky Hall -- “Sam the Saskatchewan Barn”

c. Hilda Buldozer-McDormand Hall -- “The Happy Hilda Hall”

d. Agnes Three-Feathers Hall -- “The Wigwam”

13. Parking lots

Notable Professors:
Ancient Central American Languages: Henry Blackschleger (the only member)

Art: Muma Mink, Nathaniel Rosensteel

Psychology: Dr. Jeffery Gillenster (department head)

Economics: Bernice Christophel, Arthur Chandler (the youngest faculty member)

English: Solomon RusselRutt, Theodore Thorpe (teaches criminal justice), Dr. Hoover Mesinger (department head)

Physics: Prof. Waldrop

History: Dr. Suleman Grubb

African Studies: Adrian Burg (a large black man from Australia)

Cryptology: Rothgeb Shifflet

Computer Science: Frederick RusselRutt

Theater: Wingina Rexrode (department head), Aeschylus P. Jones (fired)

History:
In 1892, Egbert Finch set out for Albuquerque, New Mexico to seek his fortune. He got lost in Ohio and ended up in North Dakota, where he was captured by a group of renegade Indians. These Indians were young and didn’t really know what they wanted to do with their lives. This being the case, they didn’t really know what to do with their hostage so they adopted him instead. Egbert became known as Tiny Bear.

The Indians, in an attempt to escape their reservation, had bought a lot of land from a man named Homer Grubb and were working at his pig farm in order to pay off the debt. Egbert joined them to help out. There he met Homer’s beautiful daughter Zelda and instantly fell in love with her.

While on a long walk with her on the Indians’ land, Egbert and Zelda stumbled upon an abandoned mine shaft. With the Indians’ help, Egbert explored the shaft and discovered that it was a gold mine. It appeared to be played out, but Egbert did some digging and discovered a new vein of quartz, rich with gold.

They were able to mine enough to pay off their debt to Homer Grubb. Homer was suspicious as to how they managed this and sent his foreman, Wiggy Slim, to spy on them. Wiggy Slim discovered the mine. Homer cursed the day he sold that land to the Indians and vowed to get it back.

His chance came when Egbert asked for Zelda’s hand in marriage. Homer refused, saying the only way he will agree is if Egbert gives him the deed to the mine. Egbert refused. Homer then locked Zelda in the attic so Egbert can’t see her. Egbert, however, was able to smuggle notes to her through his friend Agnes Three-Feathers, who worked as a maid at Homer’s house. In this way, they planned their escape.

Agnes was able to distract Homer and his men by setting the kitchen on fire. While they dealt with that, Egbert broke into the attic and he and Zelda ran for it. Unfortunately, Homer realized what was going on and chased after them. There ensued a terrible fight on a hill just outside of the town a Palmsville. Zelda, foolishly trying to stop it, was knocked aside; she fell down the hill, hit her head on a rock, and fell into a pond where she drowned. Egbert was unable to save her due to the fact Homer was attempting to strangle him at that moment. Homer, realizing what had happened, fled and was never seen again. Egbert stayed in Palmsville only long enough to arrange for a funeral, then left.

Egbert spent the next thirty years traveling the world trying to find peace. He failed completely. Returning to Palmsville in 1934, he vowed to do something here that would honor Zelda. The Great Depression, however, got in the way, and it wasn’t until five years later that he was able to purchase the land on which Zelda died. Egbert was by this time a renowned historian due to his work in Central America studying ancient civilizations. A few years later he was able to get financial backing and began to gather his staff.

Bougainvillea University, named after Zelda’s favorite flower, was officially founded in 1940. The faculty and staff were as follows:

Egbert Tiny Bear Finch -- president, head of the history department

Floyd A. Nauman Jr. -- head of the art department, Floyd was a local artist

Suleman Grubb -- Zelda’s half-brother’s son; he was sixteen at the time and his main job was maintenance and grounds keeping. He would later get several degrees and become a member of both the history and English departments

Agnes Three-Feathers -- the English department, as well as admissions

Gasper Russel-Rutt -- a stable hand at a local dude ranch but claimed to have a PhD. which he didn't-- the truth didn't come out until after his death and then the college tried it's best to hush it up

George Fortune -- whose existence the college refuses to acknowledge and no one knows why

Egbert spent his summers in Central and South America searching for a lost civilization that no one else believes existed. The summer of 1949, he vanished in Peru, never to be heard from again.